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[14 Jul 2009|10:19pm] |
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Beaten and bruised, this society is a fractured one. The city looms over countless hordes of desolate wanderers. The night means nothing to them. They are trapped in their lostness, forever doomed to the grit of the track and the terrible light which consumes them, but will never belong to them. It would always be the light of another, one more deserving in the eyes of god.
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[14 Jul 2009|03:42pm] |
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| good |
My worries are diminished, I have an offer for free accommodation in Holland, back in wee Hilversum with Nicky! Not completely sure what to do just yet but the fact she offered takes a huuuuuuuuuuge weight off my shoulders. Means I can save at least £40 on hostels, and if I end up going by myself at least I won't actually BE by myself. Such a relief, especially after JUST waking up from repeated anxiety filled dreams of things going wrong while I'm away..
Yay!
I got my drawing flow back the past few days too, which feels damn good. New stuff to be posted soon-ish. I really do need to upgrade the RAM in this computer though, so I can start doing digital stuff again, comfortably without lags and shit.
aaaaaaand we got a massive new fridge today, it's a tad scary in its stainless steel armour, looming over our kitchen in place of the 13 year-old little white one. But it definitely rocks!
I ran out of weed last night and I am planning to not buy anymore until I set foot in Holland. I need a break that lasts more than a few days and it'll be good to let my tolerance go down. Not that I've been smoking huge amounts or anything, but still smoking a little bit every day.. I also need to save the fucking cash. Prices here really are ridiculous, it'll be awesome to finally get cheap and clean weed :D
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[13 Jul 2009|07:57pm] |
these past few months i've been filled with a seemingly never ending supply of nostalgia.
but it's that weird kind where sometimes you don't know what you actually feel nostalgic for.
it's like i'm creating all these times and atmospheres and other worlds in my mind - i've never experienced them, yet i seem to know them so well. seems i have lived a thousand lifetimes in each.
it's been the most comforting feeling i've ever known. and at the same time it's saddening, as i wish my life really did contain those kinds of feelings, those memories and places.
it used to, in part. there was a time i would feel excited and optimistic for the unknown every time i went outside, even just into town to hang out with my friends. i saw the world with different eyes, younger eyes. i didn't know what to expect. i had adventures. i didn't always feel like something was missing.
i miss that feeling. the feeling that the entire world was at my fingertips instead of just this keyboard. the feeling that there was more to see and learn out there than i could ever imagine, and that it was only a matter of time before i would be able to see and learn it all.
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[10 Jul 2009|06:41pm] |
i don't know when exactly i first began this self destructive behaviour, but it's really killing me.
every time i think hell why not, i want to experience everything life has to offer.
without properly realising that a lot of that is just fucking pain
but i'm grateful for the good things i have in this, i need to try and remember that when all i can think of are the terrible things, the terrible feelings and thoughts and nightmares that i foolishly convinced myself i'd gotten over.
i hope i can remember
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[09 Jul 2009|01:48am] |
( and )
messy alterations
perhaps more to be done on this
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