don't listen to what it is saying. listen to what it is telling you.
don't listen to it when it speaks of the past and harps on about the comfort in that blind joy you once felt, had in your clutches without even fully realizing. when it kicks and screams for more. when it randomly throws in memories of the things you could have done, things you planned and never got to do. put them to rest. they need it, for they died a painful death without even fully existing or even coming into form.
look at the big picture.
constant change… the ability to take what comes at you with full force and if it hurts being able to strengthen yourself to it. eventually the strike becomes painless. empty. just more static. blending into the edges of the static.
and soon you will build up a strong defense system, an emotional callus, a strong mind and you will quicker notice the secrets that are underneath what is being buzzed to you. the universal knowledge masked by this benevolent tinnitus.
forget about cheesecake. it's bad for you anyway.
worry not that the forthcoming winter will be cold and lonesome. that there was once a set of loving arms in your bed that are there no more. once a set of ears that would listen, and understand. there will be those things again, maybe, but there's no point yearning for them now anyway because your receptors are burned out, like the days after an amphetamine binge. you're on a comedown. you will feel sickly. it will pass.
take shit as it comes. if he pokes more, don't let him know he's got under the skin. you've put in more effort than you should already. you made mistakes but you admitted to them, apologised and tried to be real about it. but all he did was make fun. you have no time for this, this does not benefit you. you've obviously worried too much about him and how he feels, for he is making fun with this, it clearly hurt you more than him.